MRB

What I'm worried about it the flow of the paper, in my mind it makes sense... I don't know if it will to anybody else. Is there anything I need to take out? Do I need to add in any facts or details

I Cried. October 17, 2007 was the last time I cried. It was a cold wet day. There was more mist than mist, but less rain than rain. I was on my way to say goodbye to my kids. I was about to be leaving for my first deployment in 3 weeks, I didn’t know exactly how I felt about that. I was scared. I was excited. I was hopeful. I was doubtful. But on that day, October 17, I needed to hold my kids. My mom was driving the car, (my license was suspended) and I could feel her wanting to talk to me, she wanted to know what I was thinking. What I was feeling. She stayed silent. We turned down the steep driveway and I saw 2 cars parked. One was my ex’s and the other was her friend Livy’s. My ex’s name was Jessie, and we hated each other. We hated each other for different reasons, she hated me because I had just given my custody of our daughter Mia to Robin, Jessie’s mother. She wanted me to keep the custody so that while I was gone she had the final say in everything. I didn’t trust her. I hated her because she destroyed me. Emotionally. Financially. Spiritually. I only stuck around because of the kids, even after the 4th guy she cheated on me with. “Are you ready Matthew?” my mom asked me. “I hope so,” I whispered. I wasn’t. As I opened the door our son Rylan ran to me with his big bright eyes and his goofy dimpled grin. “Mommy look! Daddy is here!” “NO!” she screamed. “That’s not your daddy, that’s Matt. Livy take him down stairs." I felt the lump, the one in the middle of your throat. The one you can’t swallow, and it just wont go away. The one that always gets bigger. As I felt the lump start to form Rylan was taken to the basement by Livy, he was crying. Mia, who was only 9 months old, started crying because she was scared and didn’t know what was going on. Jessie just kept screaming. “”You happy now? You made them cry!” she yelled as she stormed out of the room. I could hardly breathe. The lump just kept growing. “Shhhh, it’s ok princess,” I said the Mia as I picked her up. I was trying to keep it together for her sake. “Yes he is my daddy!” Rylan’s voice could carry through anything, when I heard it through the floor I felt my Mom’s hand on my shoulder. I was 21 years old, holding my 9 month old daughter, and I turned to look at my mom for... I don’t know what. Strength? Comfort? What I got were tears. I lost it. Mia quietly cried in my arms, her tiny hand on my check. I cried as quietly as I could while my mom sucked up her tears and just held us. I have never loved her as much as I did that day. Mia calmed down and looked at me with her 9 month old eyes, they had a kind of understanding in them. I was only able to sit with her for about 30 minutes before Jessie found an excuse to kick us out. I kissed Mia goodbye and promised I would come home safe, and have lots of Arabian treasures for my Princess. “I love you little man! Take care of your sister for me while I’m gone,” I called down to Rylan. “DON’T TALK TO HIM!” Jessie screamed. I didn’t say another word, I turned and walked out the door. My hatred for her had dried my tears. As I look back I can’t stay angry. Jessie suffered from severe Manic Bi-Polar disorder, and wasn’t on meds. She wasn’t always like that though; when I met her she was pregnant with Rylan. The hormones from the pregnancy somehow kept her in balance. 6 months to the day after Rylan was born I left for the Navy. That’s when the cheating started. I only stayed with her because I fell in love with Rylan. When Mia was born, the kids became my life. Jessie kept cheating and I started drinking. Rylan and Mia were my only light, while I was gone the only way I could save Mia from her mother was to give my custody up. Since that day I have deployed 5 times, been shot at, stabbed, lost close friends and had quite a few close calls with the reaper. Not one time did I cry. 3 years 9 months and 2 days later, father’s day this year, I was home on leave from my last deployment. I went to Mass with my parents, sister and a few brothers. I had to stay in the vestibule because I was late. “Did you see them?” my dad asked me as he walked out of the church. I knew exactly who he was talking about. I looked around me, scared. I hadn’t seen the kids in almost 4 years. I knew they lived with Robin now, because Jessie was in and out of jail for DUI’s and drug charges. The state took her custody of the kids. I saw Robin, a newly widowed grandmother. Her face was sad, but there was still joy in her eyes. I walked up, and before I could even say anything she had me in her arms. It was a sad but comforting hug, like 2 old friends who know they only have 5 minutes to catch up. “Nana, look what I found.” I knew his voice. I let Robin go and looked down at Rylan. “Hi, I’m Rylan,” he said. “What’s your name?” I felt the lump. “Hi little man, I’m Matt,” was all I could get out. As I looked past him I could see Mia, in her Sunday best, looking for ‘nice rocks.’ I looked up at Robin for… I don’t know what. Approval? Forgiveness? All I got were tears. The lump grew. I felt my little sister slide her hand into mine and start to pull me away. “Good bye, it was nice to meet you Matt,” Rylan said. I cried. This time it wasn’t a sad hopeless cry. I was sad, I had just introduced myself to my kids as ‘Matt.’ They had no clue who I was. But I was happy, because they were happy. They lived in a loving home, Robin had made sure of that. She had given them something I couldn’t. I turned around and looked at his goofy dimpled grin, “It was nice to meet you too little man.” Robin was quickly drying her tears, to hide them from the kids, “Thank you.” I whispered through misty eyes

this paper kept me so focused i felt your pain in ever line. This was a sad yet beautiful paper. When you first introduce all of your characters, just make sure the audience understands who is who, involving everyone's name. Other than that, we thank you for sharing a piece of you with us.