Fighting+Revenge

Is there enough reflection?Is the metaphor or the teenagers becoming boxers too hard to interpret?What suggestions do you have?!Are the 4 main elements relevant? **I honestly wish you would focus more on the actual story instead of trying to** **disguise the actual story...if you know what I mean.The way this is set up just makes it a little confusing. I like the Idea of the metaphor but yeah I think its a little too metaphor oriented.** The concept was well thought out. You're vocabulary and descriptive words are on point, but the piece as a whole moves a little too fast. I think you spend so much time trying to extend the metaphor to its greatest potential that you lose the actual reality of the piece. If it's about a girl being cheated on (correct me if I'm wrong), don't lose the reader in "the fight". At first I picture two individuals, boxers I presume, actually fighting. When the female gets worked up over the male practicing with another sparer, that's when I assume that it's about cheating, but it seems a little childish to me. I want to feel her pain, I don't want to think of the, "you stole my ball and I want it back" scenario. As I stated before, the concept is great. I like that you disguise cheating (again, correct me if I'm wrong) as a match between two fighters. But push that, and push it hard, and make sure I know what you're //really// trying to say.

The whole thing moves too fast. I feel like I get lost in this piece. As for your wording, it's very strong. But, I am not a big fan of the boxing replacing the actual things going on. I think it could be better had you just made it the story it is.

__Fighting Revenge__ January 22, 2010. This was the first time that the teenage boy and girl met. They met at a school boxing competition and soon became the two lead fighters in the area. All of these fights, however, had led up to their climatic fight, a championship of sorts. The date was September 21, 2011. The ring was set, referee ready to blow, and both opponents were sure to bring the crowd a good fight. Little did anyone besides the girl realize how much was at stake with this fight. The boxing ring was made of eggshells, cracked, unearthed and ready to shatter. These box fighters were not the usual speed bag and mouthpiece wearing challengers, at their young age of 18. The girl was streaming with anger, pursed lips, and a permanently creased facial expression that somehow said “Bring It On” without any verbal explanation. The boy was in contrast, humbled and quivering as if he had something to hide and was scared others knew. Nevertheless, it was time. Round 1. Right from the start it was evident that this fight was about more than just two physical presences draped in silk robes and mitts about to strike. This was more. The girl throws the first punch. POW! Right on the left cheek. Shocked and ashamed that the girl was the one to make the first move the boy reacts out of fear. He tries to run out of the ring, but he was not going anywhere until she was finished. She grabs his leg to stop him from sliding out. She pins him down and the referee whistles victory. DING! The bell tolls. Round 2. Now more aware and shuffling feet, the two circle around the ring on tip toes, waiting for the next move. She strikes for his rib cage and just nearly misses. On edge, he still has not made a move towards her. The boy is awestruck and looks as if he had been placed in the middle of a rodeo and the bull was ready to strike. BAM! She gave him the upper cut and his bottom lip was now blistering red with blood. “Stop!,” the boy yells in a panic. “Not yet, I am not finished,” she fires back. He falls to the ground and after a quick pin the 2nd bell tolls. Round 3. This is the last chance for him to get her back. Surprisingly, he is back on his feet moving around but with a slow, weak stance. She is feeling confident as ever that she has this victory in the bag. To her, it means way more than just a simple trophy of achievement. If only he knew what she was really fighting for.a “Is that the best you got? I expected more of a fight,” the girl yells ant-agonizingly. “I can’t do it. I can’t hurt you any longer,” he screamed. Finally, he had reached his final straw, he cracked. He reaches out for her arm and grabs her. He holds her as if it was the last time they would ever see each other. Not only does the whole crowd’s cheer drop to a low whisper, but the whole arena is listening and awaiting what’s next. She is silent and still as he pleads and pleads for the fight to end. Little does the crowd know how much she had cared for him since that cold day back in January 2010. Yet, she knows what she needs to do. Times have changed since their first fight and now he had been sparring with another partner. Resistant and steadfast she isn’t believing anything he says. She found out just moments before arriving at the site what he had done. “I have to win this fight so that I never have to fight with you again. I know you’ve been sparring with another girl and I’m not going to be your partner anymore,” the girl solemnly stated. She was quivering and on the edge of tears but she would not show it. “I never meant to do it, I promise. Please believe that you are the one I want to fight with, no one else,” he pleaded. However, by this time I think he was a little bit late and she was too fired up to back down now. All the begging, pleading, persuading, and tears in the world could not stop her from what she was about to do. With one last hit she left the ring and was never to return to fight or spawn with him again. September 26, 2011. It was less than one week later that the girl started to realize how much her victory had affected the boy. He was persistent on getting her back as his partner because he knew that she was the best partner he ever had. Although she had a kind and compassionate heart, she was still very hesitant to get back into the game with him again. Thankfully for her, one phone call from another boxer gave her clarity. He had not changed at all. The boy was still sparring with the other girl behind her back and at this precise moment in time the teenage girl knew that he did not deserve a second chance. He had broken the cardinal sin of any partnership and the only fight she wanted to have with him would have led him to a hospital. October 1, 2011. The girl met him by their old practice spot to return his equipment she had borrowed. After a quick glance at his little puppy dog, sweet face she slapped him as hard as possible across the left side of his face. Without hesitation or second thought the girl said, “Forget you for all the pain you have caused me. Apparently you still find it okay to go behind my back after our last fight. No worries, you won’t have to worry about me anymore. I’m done. No second chances this time.” BING! The final round had ended. She was victorious. The new champion had prevailed and no longer were the days of the teenage boy and girl.