Bleckah

//How is my attention grabber?// //Do I need to work on the reflection?// Do the sentences flow, or are they choppy? //How can I improve the story, and engage the reader more?// I'm a fan of the "full circle" style in stories, where the first paragraph is very similar to the closing paragraph. I also like your attention grabber, describing your family, and what kind of family you were raised in, it really lets the ready dip their feet into what you grew up with. When you describe the medical history, it helps me as a reader feel empathy toward the situation. I really like this piece. I especially like that you added in the paragraph with medical information. I think that's good to bring in the realization of your brother's issue. This piece is really strong and I love the point of view from the child's mind. . liked teh attention grabber, It really drew me into the story. I really liked the piece a saa whole. It is by far the best one that I've rea. I would consider changing some of the wording so that it adds more meaning to the piece, but that's totally up to you. __Defeating Fate__

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I am the youngest girl in a large Catholic family – large being six girls, two boys and mom and dad. We grew up in a traditional household, with religion and family first and education following close in importance. If we were in trouble we either picked weeds for hours from our driveway, or copied word for word out of a dictionary or encyclopedia until my father said to stop. We had one television in our three bedroom house, one landline for the family, and we played outside, hot or cold, rain or shine. We didn’t have much, but we had each other, and to us that was all we needed. =====

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I was four years old when my parents sat all of us down. With mixed emotions painted on their faces; they seemed excited and worried, two emotions I would have never put together as a young child. “I’m pregnant.” My mom spoke the words with hope - that we would be excited to accept someone new into our family, hope that we would understand the obstacles we were about to face. My siblings bombarded my parents with questions. "Are you having a boy or girl?" "When are you due?" "Where will the baby sleep?" I however, remained quiet because I was so excited. I was the youngest, always getting away with everything, but I was ready to be a big sister. =====

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 My father and brother wanted a boy, to help bring testosterone in a world overcome with estrogen. My father dreamed of another son to throw a football with. My brother wanted to teach him the importance of life; women and sports. All of the women wanted a girl, another female to initiate into our family sorority. They wanted a lifelike doll to dress up and play with. I just didn’t care, I couldn’t wait to hold a baby, and watch it grow before my eyes. I watched in amazement as my mom’s stomach stretched over nine months. I felt the baby’s kicks through her belly, and I waited patiently to meet him. =====

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September 10, 1998. The first day of kindergarten; entering adulthood and leaving childhood behind. I was in school; I was going to be a big sister. Nothing was going to stop me. And then my teacher got a phone call. My mom went into labor and was being rushed to the hospital. How could my brother do this to me? My first day of school and he takes away the thunder? My excitement turned into frustration and I no longer wanted him. I wanted to be the baby, I wanted to be the youngest again. But all of that changed when I arrived at the hospital. I was greeted by hugs and tears, but not the kind I expected. Sadness filled the air, and I could not understand why. Finally, after hours of waiting and begging my sister to let me meet my little brother, I finally was able to see my mom. I had never seen her cry so much. I was confused, and then I realized my baby brother was nowhere to be seen. That is when they told me. =====

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Trisomy 21, also known as Down’s syndrome, is a genetic disorder where the twenty-first chromosome has an extra copy, giving a person 47 chromosomes instead of the normal 46. This extra chromosome affects the way the body and brain develop. People with Down syndrome have recognizable physical features, such as small, round heads, flattened noses, small ears, and upward slanting eyes. Physical development is often slowed, making it ordinary for those with Down syndrome to have slow learning skills, and stunted growth. Other medical conditions are also more common among people with Trisomy 21. It is common to see dementia, a disease that affects the brain, mostly within judgment and memory. Eye problems, hearing problems and hypothyroidism are also associated with Down syndrome. It is the most common form of a human birth defect in the world. =====

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My little brother was kept in the hospital for months before he could finally come home. He had to have x-rays taken of his chest and gastrointestinal tracts and given a routine Echocardiogram to check for heart defects. My baby brother was born with nine holes in his heart, some as large as quarters. He was sent into immediate surgery to try and close these holes to help his chances of survival. The doctors in the hospital did not have much faith though, preparing my family for the worst. The impending horror loomed over our heads like a dark shadow, controlling our every thought. As soon as he was brought in this world, he could have easily been taken away. While we all in the hospital room, trying to make sense of the situation, we all began to pray simultaneously. None of us had to say a word, yet we all knew we would find comfort within prayer. The doctors claimed he would not live past three days, which turned into a year, then five years, and then ten. They said he would never walk, run, talk or have much communication with people outside of our family. Prayer helped ease these certainties we were staring at. =====

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I am the youngest girl in a large Catholic family, and I have a younger brother who changed my life. He is a compassionate, funny, loveable thirteen year old boy who has the world wrapped around his finger. He has friends, plays sports, laughs and tells stories to anyone he meets. He is my little brother. He has taught me patience and compassion on levels that I never thought possible. He protects me as if he were my older brother, and he is my best friend. =====